My Favorite Golfer: Three Dots

Dear Mr. Woods,
As I mentioned in an earlier post I have been formulating profiles of golfers based on the markings that they place on their balls.
I have become quite fond of Three Dots.
He marks his balls with three blue dots.
By his markings he appears to be humble, unobtrusive and most likely honest and true.
Based on the number of balls that land in my domain,
I fear that Three Dots, bless his heart, is running with a crowd that's a little too fast for him.
I'm thinking that simple interventions in golf skills (lessons),
primarily driving,
could help to point him toward a more favorable outcome.
By improving his play, I suspect that the predictable increase in his confidence will empower him to hold his ground with his peers.
My encounters with Three dots are strictly close encounters of the first kind,
therefore I cannot report on his putting skills.
My notes are based exclusively on the evidence that I observe on his lost balls.
It is possible that he is a youngling (an adolescent),
but I don't think so because the evidence reveals his play time to be when a youngling should be in school.
So,
I must ask,
do you think that limiting the interventions to driving practice and lessons are a reasonable plan? And if so, what are your thoughts on how we can implement the plan.
Awaiting your response.
Respectfully,
The Muse

They Mark Their Balls

Dear Mr. Woods,
It's Memorial Day.
It's a great day for observing the golf herd.
A lot of them are out today.(close encounter of the second kind).
More often than not, though,
I'm at work while they're at play,
and I'm with evidence that they've been here. (close encounter of the first kind)
The evidence is, of course, their lost balls.
For two years now I have completed an evening sweep of the property for balls.
My dog likes to rip them apart. Better for his health if I find them first.
Upon close inspection of these found balls, I've made a breakthrough discovery,
THEY MARK THEIR BALLS!
The markings appear to give clues to their identity and character.
Would you be willing to share any knowledge that you may have on the practice?
As always,
Respectfully,
The Muse

The Stag

Dear Mr. Woods,
I fear that after reviewing past entries one might erroneously misconstrue my data collection to depict a bias in favor of the females.
I assure you that this is not the case.
My data collection is purely objective.
That's not to say that I don't have my personal preferences.
But, enough about that.
There is a particularly intriguing set of males whom I refer to as the stags.
They are elusive, majestic, and almost always play alone.
They tend to be older and they always walk.
Their balls stay on the fairway,
so my hypothesis is that they are more highly skilled.
They are most often sited at dusk but can also be seen on cold,gray, blustery days.
They move with a grace to behold and they blend into the scenery.
A siting of a stag is reminiscent of a National Geographic photo of
a lone golfer on a coastal hillside in Scotland.
An awesome site indeed.
I like them.
Your thoughts?
The Muse

To Tango or Tangle with Bogie

Dear Mr. Woods,
I am continuing to document the behavioral differences between the male and female golfers.
They deal quite differently with Bogie.
I have quite the vantage point in making these observations as Bogie shares my territory.
Is one to tango or tangle with Bogie?
THAT is the question.
The females gracefully walk to the edge of the rough and visually scan the terrain in search of their wayward balls.
If the ball can be retrieved with grace, she retrieves.
If not,
she tosses her head,
reverses her step and elegantly tangos on.
The females give unto Bogie that which is Bogie's.
The males, on the other hand, tangle.
The more of them there are, the more they tangle.
They battle the prickly vines and bramble pulling off thorns attached to their clothing.
They brush and swipe at insects and ticks, flirting with West Nile and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
They, slip,slide, and loose their footing in wooded debris.
Sometimes they find their balls.
Sometimes their balls remain hidden in Bogie's lair.
There appears to be some opposite and equal primal forces at work in each case.
One force entails wit, intelligence and cutting losses to get ahead.
The other entails a single competitive drive, investing high personal risk in order to yield an unlikely windfall, or a slightly more than deplorable loss.
(I have side note for a comparative study on economics)
I must acquire more data to complete my hypothesis.
Would you mind sharing your thoughts?
In your kind service,
Muse