Back and Scrambling to Catch Up.

Dear Mr. Woods,
You're probably wondering about my where I've been, let's just say
fall is a busy time for me.
I have been pondering an agenda for a collaborative effort in improving the performance of the golfers here at Treyburn. The outcome that I am hoping for is a community that is safer from being struck by wayward balls, and the preservation of siding, windows and landscaping.

In looking over your statistics I came across the term "scrambling".
I was not familiar with the term so
I looked it up in Wikepedia:

Scramble

when a player misses the green in regulation, but still makes par or better on a hole. Scrambling percentage is a player statistic kept by the PGA Tour.

It appears that your scrambling average is better that the tour average which leads me to conclude that you're pretty good at it. I've been thinking, in light of the 300+ balls hit into my yard this past season, this may be a great focus for a clinic:
"Improve Your Scrambling Skills" or
"How to Scramble on Par" or
"Scrambling. Make it Work for You."
You get the drift.

I'm just thinking that sometimes it's best to start where they're at,
which is everywhere but the fairway.
What do you think?

The subjects have been quite active with the cooler weather and we're getting a lot of sightings.
Lady Good Cause made another appearance in October which was only appropriate for breast cancer awareness month. AR and Three Dots continue hitting them in like pro "muse hitters".
They amuse me,
bemuse me,
confuse me,
and in spite of it all,
I am quite fond of these entertaining creatures.
Drop a line if you get a chance,
The Muse.

The Younglings

Dear Mr. Woods,
Sorry 'bout your bum luck on the PGA Tour.
To paraphrase a saint, all seasons are seasonal.
In fact, watching that young whipper snapper snatch your lead,
was reminiscent some years ago of a 21 year old named Tiger Woods who donned the cover of
Sports Illustrated, Newsweek and Time Magazine.
New seasons call for new approaches, I feel confident that you'll figure it out.
Now for the younglings.
They're not so elusive.
Their game is quite different.
The contest lies in their ability to send the ball hurling into the next county.
From the tee above my home, that would be Person County,NC.
Putting for the younglings is a minor detail to be addressed at a later date.
I came home from work one spring day to fine the lawn sprayed with white spheres.
I looked like Peter Cottontail was blindsided and his basket capsized.
I learned that there had been a high school tournament at Treyburn that day.
Fortunately, for our personal safety,
most participants were not member's of Treyburn,
but we have our share to suffer.
Respectfully,
The Muse

They are in to Many Causes.

Dear Mr. Woods,
Phew, you made it through round one of the PGA Championship.
Wishing you the best.
My subjects, it appears, support many charitable causes.
I am quite proud of them,
and because of this,
I forgive them their trespasses into my domain. They even make up for AR's delinquency. I know that Mr. Mickelson presents as your worthy opponent on the golf course, but gentleman that you are, I know that you join me along with Lady Good Cause and Mr. American Cancer Cure in wishing his wife and mother good health. Please tell him that my thoughts and prayers are with his family.
Against cancer, we're one team................
I close with the memory of the late Jimmy V' s words of hope.....

This weekend marks the Sixteenth Annual Jimmy V Celebrity Golf Classic for Cancer Research.
We must carry on.

Rest in Peace Jimmy V-
we're not giving up,
we're not EVER giving up.

Cordially,
The Muse

Hal Howard's Off Day

Dear Mr. Woods,
It's been a while, I know.
Sorry 'bout you're tough breaks lately, it happens.
I'm sure that was the case of Lady Good Cause
and this guy, Hal Howard as well.
Since only one of his well marked balls has landed in my domain,
I must assume that he was coming down with the H1N1flu or something.
I suspect that Hal owns his own business, a lawyer , perhaps.
He tells it like it is.
He is honest, hard working and to the point.
I would love to hook him up to Three Dots,
who has made yet another appearance.
I don't think that AR is the best influence for Three Dots.
Do you think that one day soon,
when you've ironed out the kinks in your game,
you could have a look at our situation?
Public safety is a real issue here.
Faithfully,
The Muse

Lady Good Cause

Dear Mr. Woods,
As I have earlier documented, encounters with the females of the species is rare.
Here is a rare specimen from a female, Lady Good Cause.
Her behavior appears to be consistent with other females of the species.
Practical and sensible.
She does not subject herself to the copperheads, the briers the fire ants or the ticks.
She accepts her poor drive for what it is: a poor drive.
She accepts the consequences, and she moves on.
Life is too short.
She's my hero.
With kind regards,
The Muse.

A link to a site to click to donate free mammograms. You can click once a day:

http://www.thehungersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2&link=ctg_bcs_home_from_ths_home_sitenav

Walter Lost a Ball

Dear Mr. Woods,
Sorry 'bout the US Open,
AND congratulations about placing sixth in the US Open.
It's all a matter of perspective :)
Now, for my news.
I saw him.
I thought he was fictitious,
but I saw him.
He's one of the subjects in my study.
Walter Mitty of James Thurber fame putted into my yard in a golf card.
It appears that the ONLY putting he does is in the golf cart.
He was a few feet from my bedroom window when I yelled out to my husband to grab the camera. (in hindsight, a mistake.)
He (Walter) appears to be in his eighties now. He wears thick glasses.
He canvassed the woods edge in search of his misguided ball.
He didn't find it.
I'm sure.
To his credit he did not take up the foolhardy plight of trekking the tick infested area.
Before I could get the lens cap off of the camera my husband had called out to him something about private property.
Walter did not realize that the space four feet from my bedroom window and in front of our wooded lot was private property.(I mentioned the glasses).
Walter mentioned something about no out of bounds......
My husband mentioned something about no carts....
I didn't get a good shot.
Darn it!
Yours Truly,
The Muse

A l R

Dear Mr Woods,
Congratulations on your win last weekend.
Hope this is the turning point of your season.
Today I present to you another frequent flier, "AR".
Now, AR , like Three Dots is running with a fast crowd on the expert tee.
But AR is cool.
He has cool clothes, cool balls and cool equipment.
He lets it all hang out.
His balls are well marked because he wants no discrepancies.
He's like the "Fonz" of golf-
as long as he doesn't play.
The picture illustrates a few of his missed hits.
He's hit the siding, the Honda, the mailbox and the deck (it actually ricocheted off of a tree and then hit the deck so I'll forgive him that one).
He's quite adept at hitting most anything as long as it's not on the fairway.
I fear that he's a mentor to Three Dots which is why I am working so hard to get some interventions started for Three Dots.
I am concerned AR is coaching Three dots on his swing,
and I don't think that I need to be graphic in pointing out the obvious.
The balls speak for themselves.
Forever the optimist, I believe that all is not lost,
and I see hope for AR.
What do you think?
The Muse

My Favorite Golfer: Three Dots

Dear Mr. Woods,
As I mentioned in an earlier post I have been formulating profiles of golfers based on the markings that they place on their balls.
I have become quite fond of Three Dots.
He marks his balls with three blue dots.
By his markings he appears to be humble, unobtrusive and most likely honest and true.
Based on the number of balls that land in my domain,
I fear that Three Dots, bless his heart, is running with a crowd that's a little too fast for him.
I'm thinking that simple interventions in golf skills (lessons),
primarily driving,
could help to point him toward a more favorable outcome.
By improving his play, I suspect that the predictable increase in his confidence will empower him to hold his ground with his peers.
My encounters with Three dots are strictly close encounters of the first kind,
therefore I cannot report on his putting skills.
My notes are based exclusively on the evidence that I observe on his lost balls.
It is possible that he is a youngling (an adolescent),
but I don't think so because the evidence reveals his play time to be when a youngling should be in school.
So,
I must ask,
do you think that limiting the interventions to driving practice and lessons are a reasonable plan? And if so, what are your thoughts on how we can implement the plan.
Awaiting your response.
Respectfully,
The Muse

They Mark Their Balls

Dear Mr. Woods,
It's Memorial Day.
It's a great day for observing the golf herd.
A lot of them are out today.(close encounter of the second kind).
More often than not, though,
I'm at work while they're at play,
and I'm with evidence that they've been here. (close encounter of the first kind)
The evidence is, of course, their lost balls.
For two years now I have completed an evening sweep of the property for balls.
My dog likes to rip them apart. Better for his health if I find them first.
Upon close inspection of these found balls, I've made a breakthrough discovery,
THEY MARK THEIR BALLS!
The markings appear to give clues to their identity and character.
Would you be willing to share any knowledge that you may have on the practice?
As always,
Respectfully,
The Muse

The Stag

Dear Mr. Woods,
I fear that after reviewing past entries one might erroneously misconstrue my data collection to depict a bias in favor of the females.
I assure you that this is not the case.
My data collection is purely objective.
That's not to say that I don't have my personal preferences.
But, enough about that.
There is a particularly intriguing set of males whom I refer to as the stags.
They are elusive, majestic, and almost always play alone.
They tend to be older and they always walk.
Their balls stay on the fairway,
so my hypothesis is that they are more highly skilled.
They are most often sited at dusk but can also be seen on cold,gray, blustery days.
They move with a grace to behold and they blend into the scenery.
A siting of a stag is reminiscent of a National Geographic photo of
a lone golfer on a coastal hillside in Scotland.
An awesome site indeed.
I like them.
Your thoughts?
The Muse

To Tango or Tangle with Bogie

Dear Mr. Woods,
I am continuing to document the behavioral differences between the male and female golfers.
They deal quite differently with Bogie.
I have quite the vantage point in making these observations as Bogie shares my territory.
Is one to tango or tangle with Bogie?
THAT is the question.
The females gracefully walk to the edge of the rough and visually scan the terrain in search of their wayward balls.
If the ball can be retrieved with grace, she retrieves.
If not,
she tosses her head,
reverses her step and elegantly tangos on.
The females give unto Bogie that which is Bogie's.
The males, on the other hand, tangle.
The more of them there are, the more they tangle.
They battle the prickly vines and bramble pulling off thorns attached to their clothing.
They brush and swipe at insects and ticks, flirting with West Nile and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.
They, slip,slide, and loose their footing in wooded debris.
Sometimes they find their balls.
Sometimes their balls remain hidden in Bogie's lair.
There appears to be some opposite and equal primal forces at work in each case.
One force entails wit, intelligence and cutting losses to get ahead.
The other entails a single competitive drive, investing high personal risk in order to yield an unlikely windfall, or a slightly more than deplorable loss.
(I have side note for a comparative study on economics)
I must acquire more data to complete my hypothesis.
Would you mind sharing your thoughts?
In your kind service,
Muse

Golf Community Service?

Dear Mr Woods,
I know that you have quite a busy schedule but I was wondering if you are available for community service in the interest of public safety.
Here you see a picture that represents a few weeks worth of golf balls hit off the expert tee at Treyburn and landing themselves in our yard/ house/driveway/lot.
Clearly, the Golf pro is overworked and under paid.
Or,
perhaps,
my conclusions are wrong.
Are pro golfers like home run hitters?
They either hit a hole in one OR anyone's guess?-
(including a pony tail on the eleventh fairway?)
Please get back to me on the community service thing,
Respectfully,
The Muse

Communicating in Golfese

Dear Mr Woods,
Through my observations and notations I am beginning to develop a rudimentary understanding of communication through Golfese.
Here are a few of my conclusions:
1.) The lower the number the better the score.
2.) Bogie is a ball in the depths of my briar thicket.
3.) An arrow on a sign means that you drive your cart in the opposite direction from which it points.
Thank you in advance for your expert input on my observations.
The Muse.

Close Encounter of the Third Kind

Dear Mr. Woods,
Forgive me for neglecting to congratulate you and Mrs. Woods on the birth of your son.
May he bring you much joy.
Well, it all started with the real estate agent asking,
"Would you be interested in a house on a golf course?"
"It's not something that I had my sights on, but I don't think I'd mind it,"I replied.
Little did I know what an adventure it would be.
We liked the house, It was brand new, but there were a few "pock" marks on the siding.
The home inspector told us that the dents were caused by golf balls.
Our neighbor, told us that she found that hard to believe because in order to hit our house, it would have to be hit from the Pro Tee and that no one hitting off that tee would make such a terrible, terrible shot. *note the two terribles.
The home inspector was right.

The listing read: Relax on your deck at sunset with a pristine view of the Eleventh fairway of Treyburn's Private Golf Course.
So, a few days after moving in, I decided to try it.
After a rough day at work I armed myself with a white wine spritzer and I sunk into a chair on the deck. I tilted my head back over the back of the chair and my pony tail hung over. I was quietly meditating when suddenly, without warning a propulsive force collided with my pony tail jolting my head and crashing loudly onto my deck.
My life passed before my eyes as I saw my husband, my parents, my children, my grandchildren...
My heart was beating out of my chest and I was quite shaken.
Within minutes two carts pulled into my back yard.
A sheepish looking male approached me asking if he broke anything.
"No, I replied, the velocity was slowed by the impact with my pony tail. In Warner Brother Cartoons Bugs Bunny yells 'Fore' as a warning."
"I didn't know there was a house here." he replied.
Evidently the warning isn't indicated when you have no clue what your wayward shot will hit. The picture is a view of my house from the tee.
"You know," I said, "my neighbor and her husband golf here and she told me that if anyone ever even came even close to hitting our house, it would be such a terrible shot that it would be too humiliating to retrieve the ball." My jaw was still quivering.
At this point the other three males were quietly convulsing.
"Well, it's not like it's a secret. I am very sorry," he said remorsefully.
He seemed to genuinely comprehend the near tragedy.
Out of compassion, I forgave him.
"So, are you going to give me my ball back?" he asked.

Study Notes: As Alaskan salmon instinctively battle the perilous rapids.
the male golfers are singularly driven to keep their balls.

With Kind regards,
Muse

The Quest

Dear Mr. Woods,

Being that we have not formally been introduced,
I feel that it would be presumptuous for me to call you Tiger.
Sorry 'bout your last tournament.
You'll get 'em next time, I feel sure.
I know nothing about golf except that you play it,
and gentlemen's golf balls hit my house and land in my yard.
Now, some balls are marked with evidence that they are owned by ladies,
but Ladies NEVER venture into my domain.

First things first.
Let me introduce myself.
I am the muse who lives on the 11th fairway of Treyburn Golf Course in Durham, NC.
In a spirit of diversity, I am working to better understand the beings
who inch through my yard and lot as if searching for four leaf clovers.
They fearlessly tread perilously close to the biting ant hill and tangle their vulnerable legs in the blackberry bramble, and brave the bees. I have noted their remarkable fidelity to one another as they assist a comrade in the search and rescue of an elusive white pocked sphere.

It is my hope that your expertise will be a resource for me and help me to gain insight as I seek a symbiotic relationship with the the subspecies known as
golfers.

Thank you in advance for your kind assistance in my quest.
The Muse